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With her name

Okay, so this is something I have been thinking about for awhile, and I hope that it all makes sense, so here goes.
Do you have someone in your family tree that you feel somehow connected to? A long gone relative that seems close. For me it is my Great-grandmother. I was named after her, and I have always felt a connection to her (and my other great-grandmother who also had the same name) although she passed away decades before I was born. I do believe in eternal families, and I believe that many of our ancestors are still very concerned with us and our lives.

From what I know of her, she was a very kind loving woman. She was a gifted musician, and had a well off upbringing. She married a poor farmer though, and had amazing patience as she raised her three kids in a sod dugout in Nebraska. I think the greatest tribute to her is that my grandmother (her daughter-in-law) called her Mama.

I was given her rocking chair, and it is one of my most prized possessions. She rocked her babies in it, my grandmother rocked her babies in it, and my mother rocked her babies in it. Now, I get to rock my baby in it. A strange thing happened while I was rocking my baby, I felt so very connected to the past.
I wondered if she had the same hopes, dreams and fears as she stared at her sleeping babies. I also realized we share some of the same lousy luck with health. After months of suspecting, I was recently officially diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Now, I know this is not, by any means, the worst diagnosis out there, but it has been life changing for me and my little family. My Great-grandmother also struggled with this disease.

I felt for her while I was holding my baby in her rocking chair. I wondered if her joints ached while she tried to snuggle with her baby. I wondered if the cold home made her ache even more. I wondered if she struggled to keep up with an older son, a daughter and a young infant son all while trying to manage her pain. (Yep, we also had the same gender order and number of children)

The good news is, unlike her, I have access to fantastic Dr.'s and medications. My long-term prognosis is very positive, while she eventually became a cripple. I kind of feel guilty at times that she suffered, while I have help. I think so much more of her now and what she went through. I only hope that I can live up to her name.

Comments

HRHNeenerita said…
once again Mariam you have such a way with words, brought tears to my eyes as i read it and i don't think she would have you suffer she is very happy that you do not have to have that heart ache that she lived through Love you
June 21, 2010 at 11:43 PM
Orange said…
I just wanted to say I loved that post! :)
June 22, 2010 at 8:17 AM
Terésa said…
How sweet. What a blessing it is to feel so connected to family that has passed. I think more people would feel the same if we would just slow down a little. That chair, and it's history is the coolest thing! How you must cherish it. :)
July 7, 2010 at 7:07 AM
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