Skip to main content

Holiday mourning surprise

While drifting off to sleep tonight, I suddenly found myself crying, almost sobbing.  I know this might sound strange, but I suddenly felt the huge loss of my grandparents and friends this past year.  I think it is the upcoming Holidays that stirred so many emotions.  

I suddenly realized there would be no Christmas card from Grandma and Grandpa in the tree this year.  There were not as many cards to send, and no gifts to think of (Grandparents were always the hardest to get gifts for).  There would be no reason to make phone calls Christmas morning, and most of all, no visits for the Holiday season.  

I felt that I had dealt with individual deaths of my Grandparents and friend okay (as a whole loosing 3 grandparents and a close friend in 4 months was pretty rough).  I felt happy for them at their passing.  I knew they were now free from pain and suffering, and they were with our Heavenly Father, and others who love them.  I knew I would miss them, but I didn't realize just how much.  

Although times like this are difficult, I hope I will be able to learn from this past year.  For one thing it is so important to appreciate the now.  You never know who won't be here next year.  But more than that, I hope my Christmas and Thanksgiving will take on a whole new meaning. 

 I have already felt the Holiday stress.  You know, do I have all the gifts, Is everything ready.....but I think it is time to take a break.  It is time for me to stop and remember.  Remember those who I have loved and still love.  Remember all the happy memories together.  But most importantly, to remember the sacrifice of my Savior Jesus Christ.  To remember the love of our Heavenly Father who provided such a beautiful plan so we can be eternal families.  I'm going to take time to remember that I have so much to be thankful for.  


Comments

HRHNeenerita said…
You know Mariam I was zooming through the Christmas section in Walmart and passed the cherry chocolates and realized that I didn’t have a reason to by me some as I brought them for my Daddy which made me cry. Then I was unpacking the Christmas stuff I have and came to the tub with the little tree I got Mom last year. She told me to pack it away for this year, she had found a tiny tree at goodwill and that would do for last year. For some reason it was important for her to have a tree last year. Several times the past few days things have reminded me that they are gone. Like costco pumpkin pie at work I have always said that they have as good a pie as mom’s so there I sat eating my pie and crying in the lounge at work .
So I understand you suddenly crying. I love how you can put things and thoughts into words. You are a precious daughter of our Heavenly Father that is for sure. Neener
November 26, 2008 at 1:58 AM
Teresa said…
I know it is hard and its ok to cry,,,sometimes you just gotta let the tears out!! When we unpacked our Christmas stuff the other day my mommy's stocking was in there and it just really hit me that she really wasnt going to be here this year and I lost it!!! Like you said, even though they are in a better place, we are still stuck here to miss them!!
November 27, 2008 at 12:51 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Keep singing until the end of the song

Since my last post we lost 2 more precious babies.  On September 30, 2016 we lost our beautiful baby girl Felicity at 5 months.  Almost a year later, we found out we were expecting agin.  Sadly on Dec.1, 2017 we lost our little boy, Elijah.  I need to write their stories, but the feelings and emotions are still very raw and difficult.  While I hope to share them someday, today is not that day. Today is December 21, just a few more days until Christmas.  I LOVE Christmas.  The lights, smells, delicious food, family and friends, and especially the music.  I love to sing Christmas songs and look forward to it every year.  But this year it was hard to sing the songs I love so much.  This year singing about the miraculous birth brought sadness and even anger.  I have struggled to feel the Christmas Spirit. I imagine it is difficult to experience any loss during the Christmas season.  A holiday that focuses so much on family, fri...
Post a Comment
Read more

Comparison: The Thief of Compassion

I have often heard the saying, "Comparison is the thief of joy", but as I have been navigating this road of loss and grief, I have noticed how often comparison denies us the opportunity to have true compassion for someone else.  Comparison is often well meaning and kind hearted, but when we or someone else compares grief, loss, or other trials and tribulations, it shifts the focus and burden of compassion off of us and minimizes the other person. A few moths ago I had a startling interaction that caused me to pause and reflect on this.  A great, well meaning friend said something along these lines, "You thought you had it rough loosing your babies, just imagine being in her shoes.....".  I smiled and nodded my head, but inside I was crushed.  Without going into specifics, the other woman unquestionably has some great difficulties ahead of her, but she didn't have to burry any of her children. How could the 2 circumstances possibly be compared? After the frie...
Post a Comment
Read more

Starting a New Chapter, Part 1

It was late February, and Kent and I were sitting anxiously in the Doctor's office.  We were waiting to hear if our fears were correct, waiting to know if our baby had died.  Our fears were confirmed and our lives changed forever.  That baby we had prayed about and prayed for, the baby we were excitedly expecting was gone. We were at the beginning of our second trimester.  I was just starting to relax, the worry of miscarriage was all but gone.  Things had been going well.  I had normal pregnancy issues like nausea, and I was relieved that my Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) had gone into remission (that can happen when you are pregnant).  Ultra-Sounds had shown us a beautiful healthy baby. The decision to have another baby was not an easy one to make.  The meds I take for RA are dangerous to take during pregnancy and take quite a bit of time to leave your system.  I also knew that while I might go into remission during pregnancy, I...
1 comment
Read more