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Holiday mourning surprise

While drifting off to sleep tonight, I suddenly found myself crying, almost sobbing.  I know this might sound strange, but I suddenly felt the huge loss of my grandparents and friends this past year.  I think it is the upcoming Holidays that stirred so many emotions.  

I suddenly realized there would be no Christmas card from Grandma and Grandpa in the tree this year.  There were not as many cards to send, and no gifts to think of (Grandparents were always the hardest to get gifts for).  There would be no reason to make phone calls Christmas morning, and most of all, no visits for the Holiday season.  

I felt that I had dealt with individual deaths of my Grandparents and friend okay (as a whole loosing 3 grandparents and a close friend in 4 months was pretty rough).  I felt happy for them at their passing.  I knew they were now free from pain and suffering, and they were with our Heavenly Father, and others who love them.  I knew I would miss them, but I didn't realize just how much.  

Although times like this are difficult, I hope I will be able to learn from this past year.  For one thing it is so important to appreciate the now.  You never know who won't be here next year.  But more than that, I hope my Christmas and Thanksgiving will take on a whole new meaning. 

 I have already felt the Holiday stress.  You know, do I have all the gifts, Is everything ready.....but I think it is time to take a break.  It is time for me to stop and remember.  Remember those who I have loved and still love.  Remember all the happy memories together.  But most importantly, to remember the sacrifice of my Savior Jesus Christ.  To remember the love of our Heavenly Father who provided such a beautiful plan so we can be eternal families.  I'm going to take time to remember that I have so much to be thankful for.  


Comments

HRHNeenerita said…
You know Mariam I was zooming through the Christmas section in Walmart and passed the cherry chocolates and realized that I didn’t have a reason to by me some as I brought them for my Daddy which made me cry. Then I was unpacking the Christmas stuff I have and came to the tub with the little tree I got Mom last year. She told me to pack it away for this year, she had found a tiny tree at goodwill and that would do for last year. For some reason it was important for her to have a tree last year. Several times the past few days things have reminded me that they are gone. Like costco pumpkin pie at work I have always said that they have as good a pie as mom’s so there I sat eating my pie and crying in the lounge at work .
So I understand you suddenly crying. I love how you can put things and thoughts into words. You are a precious daughter of our Heavenly Father that is for sure. Neener
November 26, 2008 at 1:58 AM
Teresa said…
I know it is hard and its ok to cry,,,sometimes you just gotta let the tears out!! When we unpacked our Christmas stuff the other day my mommy's stocking was in there and it just really hit me that she really wasnt going to be here this year and I lost it!!! Like you said, even though they are in a better place, we are still stuck here to miss them!!
November 27, 2008 at 12:51 AM
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