Kent, Mariam and co.

I have often heard the saying, "Comparison is the thief of joy", but as I have been navigating this road of loss and grief, I have noticed how often comparison denies us the opportunity to have true compassion for someone else.  Comparison is often well meaning and kind hearted, but when we or someone else compares grief, loss, or other trials and tribulations, it shifts the focus and burden of compassion off of us and minimizes the other person. A few moths ago I had a startling interaction that caused me to pause and reflect on this.  A great, well meaning friend said something along these lines, "You thought you had it rough loosing your babies, just imagine being in her shoes.....".  I smiled and nodded my head, but inside I was crushed.  Without going into specifics, the other woman unquestionably has some great difficulties ahead of her, but she didn't have to burry any of her children. How could the 2 circumstances possibly be compared? After the frie...

Since my last post we lost 2 more precious babies.  On September 30, 2016 we lost our beautiful baby girl Felicity at 5 months.  Almost a year later, we found out we were expecting agin.  Sadly on Dec.1, 2017 we lost our little boy, Elijah.  I need to write their stories, but the feelings and emotions are still very raw and difficult.  While I hope to share them someday, today is not that day. Today is December 21, just a few more days until Christmas.  I LOVE Christmas.  The lights, smells, delicious food, family and friends, and especially the music.  I love to sing Christmas songs and look forward to it every year.  But this year it was hard to sing the songs I love so much.  This year singing about the miraculous birth brought sadness and even anger.  I have struggled to feel the Christmas Spirit. I imagine it is difficult to experience any loss during the Christmas season.  A holiday that focuses so much on family, fri...

It was about 8:30 pm on a Thursday night.  I decided to take a pregnancy test.  It seemed silly, the doctors had made it clear I couldn't get pregnant, but I needed to rule it out.  Nausea, fatigue and a slew of other symptoms were too strong to deny.  Quickly the test showed a positive sign.  I stood there in total shock.  My hands shook, "What does this even mean?".  Kent was at the church watching D in a church ball game.  I told the other two kids to go to bed and raced to the church (as if speed would somehow change something).  He could see the shock on my face immediately.  He chucked in joy, then the fear washed over him too. If my womb was scarred  closed, how could a baby be there? Was this dangerous for both baby and me? HOW?! We spent a nervous weekend full of blood work and phone calls.  It looked like we were expecting a baby, but we were still apprehensive.  Finally on the following Tuesday, we sat at the ...

(You can find part one here ) Now it is September.  I did my best to forget the actual due date, I didn't want the number to cripple me.  But there is no denying it, if things had gone differently we would be holding and loving our sweet baby by now.  The many other family and friends due at the same time have all had their babies.  Those sweet baby faces bring me so much joy and heartache at the same time.   Of all the regrets I have, one of the biggest is I never asked what the baby's gender was.  I was afraid that if I new, it would make it more real and more difficult.  Turns out it is real no matter what.  Now, I feel like I am not allowed to mourn because my baby was a nameless, genderless nothing loved only by me.  Without a name, it never was.  I want to make donations and do good in honor of my baby, but there is no name, just a forgotten pregnancy that went wrong.   I have also struggled morning the loss of m...

It was late February, and Kent and I were sitting anxiously in the Doctor's office.  We were waiting to hear if our fears were correct, waiting to know if our baby had died.  Our fears were confirmed and our lives changed forever.  That baby we had prayed about and prayed for, the baby we were excitedly expecting was gone. We were at the beginning of our second trimester.  I was just starting to relax, the worry of miscarriage was all but gone.  Things had been going well.  I had normal pregnancy issues like nausea, and I was relieved that my Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) had gone into remission (that can happen when you are pregnant).  Ultra-Sounds had shown us a beautiful healthy baby. The decision to have another baby was not an easy one to make.  The meds I take for RA are dangerous to take during pregnancy and take quite a bit of time to leave your system.  I also knew that while I might go into remission during pregnancy, I...

I would like to say that things have been kinda crazy around here, and that's why I have been absent.  But....it just doesn't seem legitimate when I haven't blogged since August.  Ops!  I might try to post catch-up posts, but for now I just need to move forward.   We had the opportunity to spend the evening with Kent's Grandma today.  She is an adorable, spry and amazing 98 year old lady.  She is quick with a smile and so sweet.  I am so glad we went to see her today.   One of the reasons we went today is my MIL Kay is leaving on an LDS mission to the Ukraine (yup, the Ukraine) in a few weeks.  Today was the last opportunity we had to see Kay and Great Grandma.  (Aren't they cute).   We brought G-Grandma a corsage and being super girly, she loved it.    The best of the group...here is the 4 generation picture.  H was NOT cooperative. Kent, G-Grandma and Kay.  G-Grandma has an am...

It's hard to believe that my baby boy is already 8.  He is such a good kid.  Don't get me wrong, he drives me crazy at times, but I still think he's fantastic.  He is so happy we always wonder if his cheeks hurt from smiling all the time.  The kid makes friends everywhere we go and loves to have fun.  He's also a quick learner.  New skills seem to come easily to him (he would do awesome in school if he could just keep his mouth closed a little more). So, my smily big guy turned 8, and in our house that means it is baptism time!  D was so excited to be baptized and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  He has been looking forward to it for quite awhile.  He and Kent looked so sweet walking over to the church in their white clothes.  D is actually a pretty lucky kid.  Most people don't get baptized at a Tabernacle, but since that is where we attend church that is where he was baptized.  It i...

Gosh I love this little face.  H has been a lot of work but so much fun lately.  I love the way he peeks around the corner and gives me a big scrunchy nosed grin when he sees me.  He has also learned how to be a bit of a tease and seems to have a little sense of humor already.   I love to watch him learn about everything around.  He watches everything and then tries to do everything (sometimes not such a great thing).  I found him walking along the back of the couch the other day (the very back of the couch).  Now that the weather is nice, outside is full of even more adventure.  Everything is new, exciting and fun.  Messes and chaos usually follow, but the fun is worth it.  (Here's hoping he doesn't figure out the door knob this year)  So, what happened at church you ask?  I wasn't feeling well, so Kent came home from meetings early to help get the kids ready for church.  H was the only one not dressed.  So, Kent d...

The calendar says June, but it looks like Mother Nature has other plans.  We have had a VERY wet, VERY cold and rainy start to our summer.  But, we have still had lots of fun. K was so cute for her pre-school graduation.  She is growing into such a big girl.  We are so proud of her and she is such a sweet, smart little thing.    When you've got a mug this sweet, you can't leave it out.  K and her super amazing pre-school teacher Mrs. Jami.  She is the best teacher ever.  We are so lucky to have her as a pre-school teacher.    Here are all the local Cady cousins jumping on the trampoline.  Summer always means more trips to Grandma's house.    The family took a small trip to SLC earlier this week.  We went to the Church History Museum and spent several hours in the Children's exhibit.  D was very proud of the magnet quilt square he made.    The kids and I enjoyed the Mexican Dance lessons. ...

I was so sick of the ugly old, dusty wallpaper in my bedroom.  It wasn't in your face obnoxious (like some of the other things in the house i.e. bright purple shag carpet in the bathroom), so it was pushed aside until other things were done.    I finally just decided to jump in.  I pulled the first layer off.  It came off so easy!  Under was this peach rose pattern.  I kinda liked it, but I knew Kent wouldn't go for it.  So, my mom came down with a wallpaper steamer and we got to work.  From my best estimate I thought there were 3 layers of wallpaper and then paint.  Not too bad.....right?  WRONG!!!  There were 6 layers of wallpaper and up to 9 in some spots (accent walls and borders) First rule of remodeling a 100+ year old house:  Things will NEVER be as easy as it seems.   Below is a picture of 5 of the layers.  Can you identify all of them?  It was kinda fun to see all the different layers, like a ...